Joe Cullen fights communism the only way he can - by running drunk through the streets looking for fast food.

Joe Cullen fights communism the only way he can - by running drunk through the streets looking for fast food.

Contrary to reports in Spellcasting Illustrated, The Foosball Wizard is not dead. I caught up with those thugs who stole my artifact and whipped up a little spell which cast them into a hell dimension where they are forced to watch the Matt Millen Lions play football while being emotionally invested in the Detroit “football” team for eternity. Unfortunately, my calculations were slightly off and I too was trapped with them – a permanent roommate to famous nudist and alcohol enthusiast, Joe Cullen.  After enduring for what was 20 years of mediocrity in that dimension, during which time not even a month had passed in our reality, I managed to escape by making a psychotropic compound out of Darrell Russell and David Boston’s bones and ashes. Joe Cullen of the alternate hell universe unfortunately imbibed some of the concoction and escaped to our world with me. Our world cannot handle two Joe Cullens. I will handle this dangerous renegade, but there is something more important I must do first.

My fantasy projections are late! However, I will now have more data to work with and they will be more accurate. The QB rankings will be updated, likely with a bump to Kevin Kolb’s stats – who I feel I was overly harsh toward.

In recent news, is there anyone not named Dan Snyder who didn’t see this coming once Haynesworth got his big money contract with the Potomac Drainage Basin Indigenous Persons, as TMQ calls the Washington D.C. area football club? Out of shape (he failed his first conditioning test on showing up), a huge offseason distraction, and now a knee injury. You didn’t need a telescope or my powers of prognostication to see this huge mound of fail coming.

Jul 132010





Don Coryell, the architect of the great Chargers’ offenses with Dan Fouts, passed away on Thursday. It’s a crime he wasn’t a first ballot Hall of Famer. He revolutionized the passing game and the great offenses of Mike Martz and Joe Gibbs were derived from Coryell’s innovations. If you want to get a sense of how the “Air Coryell” system is run, take a look at Martz’s St. Louis Rams teams – they ran an extreme form of Coryell’s offense. The key component of Coryell’s offense is throwing to a spot on the field and trusting the receiver to anticipate where it is going and to arrive there at the correct time.  Coryell’s offense also relies on stretching the field vertically, opening up the shorter passing routes and the running game. This is in contrast to Bill Walsh’s offense, which relies on a short passing game to open up downfield passing.

The fact that Coryell’s offense relies on anticipation and throwing to places on the field can cause a lot of turnovers if the quarterback and receivers aren’t on the same page.

It can safely be said that no one in the modern era of football has revolutionized offense like Coryell with the exception of Bill Walsh.

I don’t want to end this on a downer, so here’s a video of a Quarterback spiking the ball which ricochets into his nuts before he gets punched out and crashes into another player.


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