It looks like Gasol has been sheared recently.

It looks like Gasol has been sheared recently.

 
This is the consultant the Jets brought in improve their wildcat formations. This is the real reason there's a media blackout during practice when they run the plays. If it got out the Jets hired an alpaca, the fans would revolt.

This is the consultant the Jets brought in improve their wildcat formations. This is the real reason there’s a media blackout during practice when they run the plays. If it got out the Jets hired an alpaca, the fans would revolt.

Aug 142011
 

Last week this blog received a google hit from India “Alpaca in a Bears Helmet.”

Thanks to one of my loyal five or six readers, no one will ever want for an alpaca in a Bears helmet again.

Our first user submitted alpaca, courtesy of Dave Fishman.

Our first user submitted alpaca, courtesy of Dave Fishman.

Sep 212010
 
Which one of these three quarterbacks will lead the Buffalo Bills to victory? If you guessed "NONE OF THE ABOVE", you are CORRECT.

Which one of these three quarterbacks will lead the Buffalo Bills to victory? If you guessed "NONE OF THE ABOVE", you are CORRECT.

Green Bay 32 Buffalo 7: I don’t think this result surprised anyone. What is surprising is that Chan Gailey is already giving up on Trent Edwards as a starting quarterback and replacing him with Ryan Fitzpatrick. It’s hard to believe that Bill Walsh thought he was the second coming of Joe Montana. Brandon Jackson seems to lack the finesse or power to be a decent starting RB, which makes sense since Green Bay gave him every chance in the world to win the starting running back job in 2007 but was beaten out by the more talented Ryan Grant. Marshawn Lynch got the lion’s share of Buffalo’s carries and is worth a flier in fantasy football.

Miami 14 Minnesota 10: Brett Favre has turned into a pumpkin a little earlier than usual this year. Chad Henne isn’t looking much better. I didn’t like Henne coming out of college and I still haven’t warmed to him. He’s not the most accurate QB in the world and he has been terrible in the red zone in his short career. I saw a Scouts Inc. article saying Henne is better/more promising than Sanchez and I projectile vomited all over my monitor. I don’t think Sanchez has arrived yet but I like his future potential much more than Henne’s, and so did most of the NFL when they came out of college: just look at their respective draft positions.

Kansas City 16 Cleveland 14: KC at 2-0 : WHO WOULDA THUNK IT? It’s amazing that Scott Pioli, who saw Cassel with the Patriots, paid him so much money. Cassel is a very limited QB and New England made it work with him, Cassel did not make it work for New England. Jamaal Charles and some of the other youngster at least give this offense some flash. KC fans who were excited about bringing a back with Thomas Jones’ stat line from last year should take note of the fact that two of his big games were against the Buffalo Bills who fielded one of the worst run defenses in history last year. Jones looked like a worn out, old running back by the end of the Jets’ season.

Chicago 27 Dallas 20: Does anyone think Jason Garrett is a genius anymore? It’s a crime that a team this talented performs so poorly. Despite the mistakes of the players the blame falls on the coaching staff, including class act and nice guy Wade Phillips whose teams consistently underperform. They can only ride so far on Parcells’ infrastructure. Martz and the Bears just adjusted far better than the Cowboys who have a great deal more talent than Chicago. It will be interesting to see The Greatest Show on Frozen Tundra play a talented Green Bay defense next week. The GB matchup will let us know if the Chicago offense is for real.

Upon being awarded the starting job in Arizona, Derek Anderson was quoted as saying "HERP. DERP."

Upon being awarded the starting job in Arizona, Derek Anderson was quoted as saying "HERP. DERP."

Atlanta 41 Arizona 7: OUCH. If anyone forgot how bad Derek Anderson is, perhaps now you remember. If they had a barn run a route in the endzone maybe then Anderson could hit it at a percentage greater than 50%. Dark days lie ahead for Cardinals fans.

Tampa Bay 20 Carolina 7: Speaking of dark days and terrible QB play, the Bucs beat the Panthers 20-7 on Sunday. Matt Moore is hopelessly outclassed and it doesn’t help that it’s more productive to smash your genitalia over and over with an unabridged dictionary than start Dwayne Jarrett at wide receiver. The Jimmy Claussen era begins and it should have begun a week earlier. It’s too bad the young QB has no one to throw to at wide receiver besides famous pugilist, Steve Smith. Fun fact: I once saw Carolina TE Dante Rosario referred to on a fantasy football site as “Rosario Dawson.” Freudian slip?

Philadelphia 35 Detroit 32: While we’re on the topic of dark clouds, Jamal Jackson and Leonard Weaver are hurt and Kevin Kolb looked awful last week, surprising everyone but me. Sean McDermott cannot replace Jim Johnson, who is one of the all time greats. I was amazed the Eagles felt comfortable enough to deal away McNabb, but the new management in Philly obviously appreciated McNabb about as much as the fans did. Kolb threw for nearly 400 yards last year against the Saints while the Eagles were routed and tried to play catch up and also chalked up three interceptions. He then torched an awful Chiefs defense the next week. This seemed to be enough to convince the entire world that Kevin Kolb is awesome except for me. Vick has played decently in his stead, but he is not the future, so Kolb will get another chance. I hope for Eagles’ fans’ sake that I am wrong, but nearly blowing a huge lead to the Shaun Hill-led Detroit Lions has to make you worry. Two games into the season it looks like I was wrong to chastise the Lions for trading up for Jahvid Best – he looks like the real deal. I have the utmost respect for Jim Schwartz who is one of the most intelligent NFL coaches out there and if anyone can make a winner of the Lions, he can.

WHARR IS ANQUAN BOLDIN? WHARRRRRR!?!

WHARR IS ANQUAN BOLDIN? WHARRRRRR!?!

Cincinnati 15 Baltimore 10: I didn’t think the Bengals were that good last year and I don’t think they are this year, but man do Carson Palmer and Marvin Lewis have the Ravens’ number. I believe I read that the Palmer/Lewis combo is 9-3 against the Ravens. If they could play the Ravens every week they’d be that much better. That said, it’s pretty hard to win when you have a -4 turnover margin and the Ravens are lucky it was even this close. If Flacco keeps this up I’m not going to be able to rave about Captain Unibrow much longer.

Pittsburgh 19 Tennessee 11: Charlie Batch was absolutely awful after Dixon was knocked out of the game. Steeler fans should be praying for the quick return of famous lover and stunt motorcyclist Ben Roethlisberger. The Steelers defense saved the day and held Chris Johnson to 34 yards on the ground. I was impressed by one of Kerry Collins’ frozen ropes tossed down the field in the 4th quarter, but Tennessee will and should continue to go with Vince Young.

Denver 31 Seattle 14: A Demaryius Thomas sighting! Eddie Royal with two weeks in a row of production! Don’t get too used to this. Now that Brandon Marshall is gone I suspect the amount of targets each receiver gets during a game will fluctuate a lot week to week, just like the 2006 Patriots’ offense coached by McDaniels which had even more pedestrian wide receiver options. The Seattle Seahawks reminded us why no one expected them to go anywhere this season under famous sinking ship escapee, Pete Carroll.

Oakland 16 St. Louis 14: This was a sloppy game for St. Louis, but Sam Bradford looks like the real deal. My misgivings about Sam Bradford as a #1 overall choice may have been unfounded. Campbell was pulled for Gradkowski and I can’t imagine that Darth Davis was happy with this. Gradkowski can make some nifty plays and he’s a great leader, but when he tries to throw the ball downfield things can get a little scary. Darren McFadden is suddenly the back he was expected to be. Surprising: Darrius Heyward-Bey nearly equaled his output from last year with six catches (he had seven all of last year) Not Surprising: Louis Murphy also had six catches. Murphy was a heck of a polished WR for a rookie when he came into the league last year.

Gary Kubiak enters combat against his most dangerous enemy - the Windmill.

Gary Kubiak enters combat against his most dangerous enemy - the Windmill.

Houston 30 Washington 27: There were nearly 1000 passing yards in this game. YIKES. McNabb is still a good QB but I doubt he’s good enough to salvage this Washington disaster. Kubiak used Shanahanigans against their originator when he iced Graham Gano with a timeout. Gano nailed the 50+ yard field goal on the negated first try, and then missed the second one. Karmic retribution for Shanahan. Gary Kubiak makes some quixotic decisions at times. Unless he knows something I don’t about Neil Rackers, I don’t understand why he punted instead of allowing Rackers to attempt an approximately 52 yard game winner. (The punt was a touchback, by the way.) Also, when the Texans needed to run out the clock on fourth down they snapped the ball to punter Matt Turk and had him run around aimlessly for a second or two before collapsing in a heap on the ground instead of having Schaub do it. It seems like there’s more chance for disaster with a punter running around with the ball than a QB.

New York Jets 28 New England Patriots 14: This one wasn’t that surprising to me. The Patriots clowned a Cincinnati Bengals team that I don’t think is that good in week one and the NE secondary is awful. The Jets aren’t as bad as their week one performance on offense would have you think. However, I don’t think they’re as good as their performance against New England this week would have you think. LaDainian Tomlinson looks younger than he did last year. Brian Schottenheimer didn’t call a very good game against the Ravens but he rebounded against New England. There will be a lot of shootouts against New England this year unless they can do something to stop the the pass.

San Diego 38 Jacksonville 13: David Garrard went right back to being a goat in week two. Tolbert reminds me of Jerome Bettis although his footwork isn’t as good. The Kansas City game was scary for San Diego fans, but I think a lot of that had to do with the Chargers having difficulty with the weather. Something the Chargers should worry about is their offensive line, they really miss McNeil – moreso than Vincent Jackson. There’s nothing really positive to say about Jacksonville right now except that they have a great player in Jones-Drew and a better than average receiver in Sims-Walker. They’re really cornering the market on talented players with hyphenated names. Maybe they can sign Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Wolfeschlegelsteinhausenbergerdorff to play quarterback for them next year.

This group of scrappy alpacas could easily hold Brandon Jacobs to less than 2 yards per carry.

This group of scrappy alpacas could easily hold Brandon Jacobs to less than 2 yards per carry.

Indianapolis 38 New York 13: Well… the better team won. I think this team has been tuning out Tom Coughlin for a while now. He’s not the most exciting coach in the world and I think it happens faster with him than with some other coaches, which is a shame because he’s a talented coach. If you told me this was a Tom Coughlin coached team I’d never believe it. This could be his last year in New York. Brandon Jacobs needs to stop crying and stop running sideways. The Giants dared the Colts to run the ball down their throats, so they did and did so successfully. Who would’ve thought two years ago that Darren McFadden would be running more powerfully and with more authority than Brandon Jacobs?

New Orleans 25 San Franciso 22: San Franciso played their butts off after being annihilated by the crappy Seahawks in week one. Alex Smith actually looked pretty good and can still salvage his career. The San Franciso defense is fearsome and has taken on the personality of Mike Singletary. Alex Smith orchestrated a great drive to tie the game in the 4th quarter but they couldn’t stop the Saints one more time, despite getting a hand on the game winning field goal.

 

Here’s a backlog of reader questions. Unfortunately, they were trapped for over a month in a dimension where Art Schlichter is a Super Bowl winning quarterback and Tom Brady is a destitute street urchin with a bad haircut. So, I guess he was a lot like Tom Brady in this dimension but with less money.

For LenDale White, this is Heaven.

For LenDale White, this is Heaven.

Did the injuries in the Denver backfield cause the knee jerk reaction of signing LenDale White to Denver? Or was there a rocky mountain surplus of tequila and tacos?

The LenDale White signing was due to injuries. Unfortunately, LenDale tore his achilles tendon while chasing a truck full of tequila.

“Maybe you’re just sitting around your house with your buddies. Maybe you go bowling and you have a couple of drinks. … I like Patron Platinum. It’s like some people like strawberry soda. It’s good.” -LenDale White

If water covers 2/3’s the earth, is the other 1/3 covered by Revis’s new but deserved ego? I can’t remember someone still in a rookie contract demanding top $ of the position. He deserves it but is he going the wrong way about it? Say have the extension signed and put in or just play out the contract. A distraction to a team with too much pressure on it already I think.

Revis is going the wrong way about it, but he shares the same agent Chris Baker and Pete Kendall, two players “wronged” by the Jets, did. I think they’re settling a score with Tannenbaum. Revis gave up so much guaranteed money I feel that they weren’t even acting in his best interest. It’s a shame this is happening in a Super Bowl run year.

T.O and Ocho. …. yeah, I don’t know about that one. T.O. is the SHAQ of the NFL now in my opinion, a part time option but not a starter who can demand attention but not give you the minutes.

Terrell Owens has been more of a liability than a matchup problem since his final year with the Cowboys. If you watch their offense that year they scheme with their other receivers to try to help Owens get open. T.O. is old and I wonder if Randy Moss is going to finally have age catch up with him too.

Mike Martz Jr. stealthily prepares to install his offense inside an Alpaca.

Mike Martz Jr. stealthily prepares to install his offense inside an Alpaca.

Mike “Mad Man” Martz claims as for as Jay Cutler, “nothing to work on” as far as his QB play of mechanics. …. is this an endorsement of condemnation for the cut-man?

Martz doesn’t demand much from a quarterback besides accuracy, quick decision making and a fast release. Cutler has all of those, so he should be fine. That said, don’t be surprised if he throws 20+ interceptions again behind that offensive line, with those receivers and in that scheme.

Is it wrong to use Albert Haynesworth as bait for next years Shark Week if he can’t pass a conditioning test? Cause if he can’t tread water for a few minutes in shark infested areas I don’t see how he can at least occupy the attention of a center and demand a guard for double teaming.

I hope the sharks like processed meat and sweets.

The Charger fallout of LT leaving and the statements of entitlement. Are some players jealous they were not the face of the franchise like say … I dunno, Manning and Big Ben Rapist?

L.T. is a good guy and still a good player, but he’s no longer a superstar and was upset he wasn’t being treated like one in San Diego anymore. He’ll be great for the Jets playing with that chip on his shoulder.

Like reports of the demise of the fooseball wizard is Jeff Garcia’s retirement by default premature? Some system needs a solid #2 who just thrives or at least is more competent than the incumbent starting QB?

Jeff Garcia can probably still be a backup somewhere but he’s a bit of a prickly character and a lot of teams don’t want to bother dealing with him now that he is older. Even the Oakland Raiders couldn’t handle him refusing to play backup last year. I have to admit, I’d consider suicide if I was regulated to a backup role behind JaMarcus “Purple Drank” Russell.

Giselle Bundchen is also a crack addicted prostitute in this universe.

Giselle Bundchen is also a crack addicted prostitute in this universe.

Andre Johnson, much like Revis does he deserve the #1 salary for his position?

Yes. The best receiver in the NFL. A bit of an injury risk though.

Of all the relocations in the off season between veteran players as well as coaches, general managers, etc. Who has the most to prove
in the new surroundings and why?

If Mike Shanahan really wants to be known as a “genius” he better make something of the Redskins. He rode in to the Super Bowl with a partially inherited team with John Elway at quarterback and a killer running game and he hasn’t really succeeded since. I don’t think there’s anyone out there who has more to prove than Shanahan.

 

The Foosball Wizard is not a proponent of having your fantasy draft this early as you haven’t even seen anyone’s training camp or preseason games yet. Nonetheless, as a service to me fans I will be providing you with fantasy rankings for 2010 as early as this June and update them as a I receive more information. To whet your whistles and encourage debate, I present to you the FANTASY QB RANKINGS FOR 2010, AS THEY STAND RIGHT NOW, along with their GUARDIAN ALPACA!!!!!!

Sphinx-like, the Guardian Alpaca vigilantly presides over the fantasy football rankings.

Sphinx-like, the Guardian Alpaca vigilantly presides over the fantasy football rankings.

1 Aaron Rodgers GB
2 Drew Brees NO
3 Tony Romo DAL
4 Peyton Manning IND
5 Philip Rivers SD
6 Matt Schaub HOU
7 Tom Brady NE
8 Joe Flacco BAL
9 Brett Favre MIN
10 Jay Cutler CHI
11 David Garrard JAX
12 Vince Young TEN
13 Eli Manning NYG
14 Matt Ryan ATL
15 Alex Smith SF
16 Jason Campbell OAK
17 Matt Leinart ARI
18 Donovan McNabb WAS
19 Matthew Stafford DET
20 Matt Cassel KC
21 Kevin Kolb PHI
22 Chad Henne MIA
23 Kyle Orton DEN
24 Carson Palmer CIN
25 Mark Sanchez NYJ
26 Matt Hasselbeck SEA
27 Josh Freeman TB
28 Sam Bradford STL

I did not project Jake Delhomme, Seneca Wallace, Matt Moore or Jimmy Claussen yet as I feel those jobs are “up for grabs.” I did not project Roethlisberger yet because I wasn’t sure at the time of the projections how many games he was suspended for.

You have beef with the projections? Leave a reply, The Foosball Wizard will debate with you disagreeing punks!!!!

May 212010
 
The explosive richness of a well-made Napa cabernet unleashed something in this alpaca.

The explosive richness of a well-made Napa cabernet unleashed something in this alpaca.

According to Rich Cimini, “Former QBs Drew Bledsoe and Rick Mirer, the first and second overall picks, respectively in the 1993 draft, are both in the wine-making business, separately. Mirer, an incompetent Jets backup in 1999, apparently is intoxicated (pun intended) by the whole wine thing. Explaining why he decided to get involved in wine making, Mirer writes on his web site: “The explosive richness of a well-made Napa cabernet unleashed something within me.”

Drew Bledsoe's "Walking Statue" fortified wine will make you a "Walking Statue" by midnight.

Drew Bledsoe's "Walking Statue" fortified wine will make you a "Walking Statue" by midnight.

If bad quarterbacking = good winemaking then Rick Mirer’s wines should be incredibly awesome while Drew Bledsoe’s will just be ok. I suspect Rick Mirer’s wine will hive a fine fruity bouquet and initially sweet taste with an acrid, rustic finish. After the bottle is consumed, you may find that your football team has been set back four to five years. If you are the 1999 Jets you might find that your season has gone completely down the toilet.

If you find yourself having drunk a glass of Rick Mirer’s wine I advise you to keep drinking.

 
Rasta Alpaca says "Praise be to Ricky Williams, mon!"

Rasta Alpaca says "Praise be to Ricky Williams, mon!"

Dear Foosball Wizard,

Any hack can claim to be a wizard and rely on their pseudo-science! I AM THE REAL THING! I AM THE WIZARD YOU WILL DEAL WITH!

Any hack can claim to be a wizard and rely on their pseudo-science! I AM THE REAL THING! I AM THE WIZARD YOU WILL DEAL WITH!

Some of your readers (read: at least one) would really know what your take on this young new Philadelphia team is. The other day, we traded away aging defensive cornerstone Dawkins and this year we’ve got an offense barely out of diapers. I have all the faith in the world in in McCoy, in particular, but what do you see Kolb and the boys doing this year? In the more distant future?

Devotedly Yours,
Jeff (Marlton, NJ)

Jeff, you have asked the right wizard about your problems. The wrong wizard has been sought in the past. Fortunately, you have contacted a real wizard not some fraud punk without the credentials (or alpacas.) I’m not a huge Kolb fan, but I am a big fan of the Eagles organization – they’ve had a well run organization in Philadelphia for quite a while now. Kolb put up statistically impressive performances in his few starts, but they were against soft defenses – New Orleans and Kansas City. Also notable was the fact that Kolb threw three interceptions against the Saints, which isn’t terribly damning since the Saints run an aggressive scheme that forces turnovers, but it is still a warning sign. Hopefully the Eagles have seen enough of Kolb off the field that they are confident he will be, at the very least, a solid starter. Moreso than missing Dawkins, who was a talented safety (albeit a bit slow and long in the tooth these days) the Eagles will miss Jim Johnson who passed away last year. He was a true defensive genius and one of the greatest coordinators of the modern era. Sean McDermott has big shoes to fill and it showed some last year. The Eagles youth movement will have some growing pains, but one facet the Eagles now shine in is one that has been their Achilles heel for years – wide receiver! DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin will help the Eagles forget the nightmare that was Freddie Mitchell, Todd Pinkston, Hank “Hell in a Hand” Baskett and their ilk. I wonder if the Eagles will still be as pass wacky without McNabb? We will find out! Don’t worry about Baskett, Eagles fans. His playmate ex-wife is apparently shopping her sex tape with an ex for cash!

Aside from speculation that someone switched the brain and nerve tonic in Al Davis’s morning coffee to common sense, is it possible that the release of JaMungus Russell will also be seen as 1: -=THE=- Draft Bust of our times and 2: ammunition for the Owners to regulate a rookie salary cap and lower it considering the financial investment and crippling effect one player can have on a team as well as the league. Jason, NJ

If anyone encounters this on the streets of Brooklyn, immediately return it to the Foosball Wizard Bodega in Bed-Stuy. It is very dangerous and your puny mortal minds cannot comprehend the horrors it contains.

If anyone encounters this on the streets of Brooklyn, immediately return it to the Foosball Wizard Bodega in Bed-Stuy. It is very dangerous and your puny mortal minds cannot comprehend the horrors it contains.

That’s actually two questions, Jason. However, I have no readers and your extra question is a delicious bonus to the Foosball Wizard! I am in the process of completing a catering order for a coven of witches currently convening at a Holiday Inn in upstate New York. They just arrived this Sunday and are staying all week, but they have already devoured the arctic seal pup pirogies that I prepared for them! I had to fly up to the polar region myself and club five hundred pounds of them personally! It is not easy running the Foosball Wizard grocery store in Bed-Stuy. Some thugs broke in and stole some rare (and dangerous) magical artifacts that I had stowed in the deep fryer. There is a slight chance it could cause a global catastrophe, but more likely they will just have their souls sucked into a hell dimension.

Anyway, back to football, my greatest passion besides bludgeoning animals for food! I think JaMarcus Russell is probably the second biggest bust in past twenty years of the NFL behind Ryan Leaf. Ryan Leaf cost the Chargers so much more in draft picks and destroyed Bobby Beathard’s career, so I just have to hand him the crown. As for the rookie salary cap? I’m sure the owners would love to lower it. A lot of the veterans would like to see those big rookie bucks going to more deserving veteran players, too. Or perhaps re-routed to a fund that cares for aging football players? The Foosball Wizard agrees – it is foolish to give young, unproven players the biggest bucks in the game. Save that for the players who deserve it! The NFL has it all backwards!

 
MEANWHILE.... IN THE BUFFALO BILLS DRAFT ROOM....

MEANWHILE.... IN THE BUFFALO BILLS DRAFT ROOM....

The Foosball Wizard is very popular with users aged 26-35 named Jason who live in New Jersey and are closely related to the Foosball Wizard. This is the type of useful demographic information that new blogs should exploit with targeted advertising!

Nothing wrong a player who has a chip on the shoulder for teams that did not take them, but is Taylor Mays going a little overboard with his newfound hatred of Pete Carroll?

How is it in one breath he says he understands that Pete took the better safety cause he fell but still holds it against him that he fell in the draft cause he was convinced to come back for a senior season? Should this even be considered a plot in the opening game of 49ers and Seahawks? From Jason, Denville, NJ

Laveranues Coles' loss is their gain.

Laveranues Coles' loss is their gain.

Pete Carroll is a player’s coach and he tends to make his players and everyone around him feel like they’re his best buddy, although he obviously can’t be everyone’s best buddy. When your (presumed) best buddy drafts another safety higher than you, you feel like you’re not Pete’s best buddy anymore. Maybe you go cry in the corner and tear your Pete Carroll shrine apart, extinguishing all the candles and removing the goat you sacrificed to him before you’ve even finished burning it. I don’t know if Taylor Mays did this with his shrine, but that goat was off of my Laveranues Coles shrine and being fed to my pet Tasmanian tiger in no time when he jumped ship to the Redskins!

Of course, maybe Mays should say to himself “Maybe if I wasn’t overaggressive and a more fundamentally sound tackler and cover man Pete would have drafted me and we could have continued to be best buddies. Maybe I should just try to make Pete proud wherever I play.

That would be very mature. Personally? I’d try to destroy Carroll and the Seahawks every time I played them. I would feed their remains to my Tasmanian Tigers, which I keep in a cage in the Foosball Wizard bodega in Bed-Stuy. I pray that the next time I am robbed they unhinge their jaws and devour my attackers.

The arguments can be made that the Chargers set themselves WAY back by moving from #3 to #2 to get Leaf, but the $$ value on Russell as #1 plus the shockwaves of Davis admitting fault on where Lane Kiffen said, “Don’t take that guy!” must be devestating.

As it stands now based on career totals and the $40 million he has pocketed he breaks down as follows (Russell). That means more than $5 million per win, more than $2 million per touchdown pass and more than $100,000 per completion. Jason from Denville, NJ

The price tag for Russell is indeed steep, but what about after we adjust for inflation?!? In the Foosball Wizard’s homeland we have very little inflation because we have very little money. We also don’t have crime, because there are no laws.

A Special Ryan Leaf Edition of Courage Wolf

A Special Ryan Leaf Edition of Courage Wolf

It is truly an astounding amount of money that was paid to Russell for the honor of having him balloon to 300 pounds and set the franchise back years, but simply due to the absolutely silly package that Bobby Beathard (who was a fairly well respected personnel man until this disaster) sent to the Cardinals for the privilege of moving up one pick to guarantee they would get Leaf, the Leaf disaster wins. Two 1st round picks, a 2nd round pick, Patrick Sapp and Eric Metcalf! Fair value for Ryan Leaf, according to the draft pick value chart, would have been two flyswatters and a roll of toilet paper. This kind of disaster isn’t just money, but sacrificed players and draft picks… not to mention that fact that Ryan Leaf ruined Bobby Beathard’s career. Beathard was the Director of Player Personnel for the 1972 and 1973 Dolphins and General Manager of the Washington Redskins from 1978 to 1989, during the Joe Gibbs glory days. He was responsible for drafting players such as Art Monk, Gary Clark, Russ Grim, Joe Jacoby and Darrell Green. Sic transit gloria!

Of course, if you’re judging damage to Al Davis’ ego….definitely go with Russell!

 
I don't always drink beer, but when I do... I prefer Dos Equis.

I don't always drink beer, but when I do... I prefer Dos Equis.

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