lawrence taylor » THE FOOSBALL WIZARD

Stay Classy, Lawrence Taylor.

Jun 232010

Lawrence Taylor appears here at a furry convention with a minor whose name has been withheld due to the current proceedings.

Hall of Fame linebacker Lawrence Taylor has been indicted on a plethora of charges that would make Ben Roethlisberger blush.

Taylor contends that he did nothing to his 16 year old accuser that he didn’t do to Joe Theismann, who suffered a compound leg fracture in 1985 after alleged contact with Taylor.

Taylor insisted at the time that although he paid Joe Theismann $300 for sex, all he did was hug him. Unfortunately, this shows that Lawrence Taylor’s actions have become more extreme over the years and have targeted younger victims. In the Foosball Wizard’s opinion we had better lock him up before anything more terrifying than the photo on the right occurs.

It Wasn’t Me – It Was the One-Armed Crack Smoking Ex-Linebacker!

May 062010

Lawrence Taylor - Making Ben Roethlisberger Look Good Since 2010

No, that’s not a photo of Lawrence Taylor with the underage prostitute he’s accused of raping. This is a depiction of a different kind of abuse – subjecting viewers to terrible television.

Lawrence Taylor will apparently be the latest NFL player in the news for the wrong reasons – not a first for the famous crack-cocaine enthusiast and jangly earring wearer. Honestly, those big diamond encrusted “LT” earrings always screamed “crack smoking rapist” to me.

Lawrence Taylor’s wife is claiming that it’s all a conspiracy. This is very likely as Lawrence Taylor has made many enemies over the years – enemies as varied as the Stasi, the Illuminati, PETA and the People’s Liberation Front of Lemuria, a Luddite eco-terrorist group. Eager to tarnish Taylor’s image and stop him from bringing their Machiavellian schemes to a halt, they without doubt set Taylor up.