MEANWHILE.... IN THE BUFFALO BILLS DRAFT ROOM....

MEANWHILE.... IN THE BUFFALO BILLS DRAFT ROOM....

The Foosball Wizard is very popular with users aged 26-35 named Jason who live in New Jersey and are closely related to the Foosball Wizard. This is the type of useful demographic information that new blogs should exploit with targeted advertising!

Nothing wrong a player who has a chip on the shoulder for teams that did not take them, but is Taylor Mays going a little overboard with his newfound hatred of Pete Carroll?

How is it in one breath he says he understands that Pete took the better safety cause he fell but still holds it against him that he fell in the draft cause he was convinced to come back for a senior season? Should this even be considered a plot in the opening game of 49ers and Seahawks? From Jason, Denville, NJ

Laveranues Coles' loss is their gain.

Laveranues Coles' loss is their gain.

Pete Carroll is a player’s coach and he tends to make his players and everyone around him feel like they’re his best buddy, although he obviously can’t be everyone’s best buddy. When your (presumed) best buddy drafts another safety higher than you, you feel like you’re not Pete’s best buddy anymore. Maybe you go cry in the corner and tear your Pete Carroll shrine apart, extinguishing all the candles and removing the goat you sacrificed to him before you’ve even finished burning it. I don’t know if Taylor Mays did this with his shrine, but that goat was off of my Laveranues Coles shrine and being fed to my pet Tasmanian tiger in no time when he jumped ship to the Redskins!

Of course, maybe Mays should say to himself “Maybe if I wasn’t overaggressive and a more fundamentally sound tackler and cover man Pete would have drafted me and we could have continued to be best buddies. Maybe I should just try to make Pete proud wherever I play.

That would be very mature. Personally? I’d try to destroy Carroll and the Seahawks every time I played them. I would feed their remains to my Tasmanian Tigers, which I keep in a cage in the Foosball Wizard bodega in Bed-Stuy. I pray that the next time I am robbed they unhinge their jaws and devour my attackers.

The arguments can be made that the Chargers set themselves WAY back by moving from #3 to #2 to get Leaf, but the $$ value on Russell as #1 plus the shockwaves of Davis admitting fault on where Lane Kiffen said, “Don’t take that guy!” must be devestating.

As it stands now based on career totals and the $40 million he has pocketed he breaks down as follows (Russell). That means more than $5 million per win, more than $2 million per touchdown pass and more than $100,000 per completion. Jason from Denville, NJ

The price tag for Russell is indeed steep, but what about after we adjust for inflation?!? In the Foosball Wizard’s homeland we have very little inflation because we have very little money. We also don’t have crime, because there are no laws.

A Special Ryan Leaf Edition of Courage Wolf

A Special Ryan Leaf Edition of Courage Wolf

It is truly an astounding amount of money that was paid to Russell for the honor of having him balloon to 300 pounds and set the franchise back years, but simply due to the absolutely silly package that Bobby Beathard (who was a fairly well respected personnel man until this disaster) sent to the Cardinals for the privilege of moving up one pick to guarantee they would get Leaf, the Leaf disaster wins. Two 1st round picks, a 2nd round pick, Patrick Sapp and Eric Metcalf! Fair value for Ryan Leaf, according to the draft pick value chart, would have been two flyswatters and a roll of toilet paper. This kind of disaster isn’t just money, but sacrificed players and draft picks… not to mention that fact that Ryan Leaf ruined Bobby Beathard’s career. Beathard was the Director of Player Personnel for the 1972 and 1973 Dolphins and General Manager of the Washington Redskins from 1978 to 1989, during the Joe Gibbs glory days. He was responsible for drafting players such as Art Monk, Gary Clark, Russ Grim, Joe Jacoby and Darrell Green. Sic transit gloria!

Of course, if you’re judging damage to Al Davis’ ego….definitely go with Russell!

 

According to John Clayton at ESPN, the Oakland Raiders are planning to release JaMarcus Russell.

This will conclude a long humanitarian experiment spearheaded by Lord of the Undead and Oakland Raiders owner, Al Davis. Every morning, he would rise from his coffin and personally check on the progress being made by JaMarcus Russell – progress that was so fast he was astounded. This caused a lot of confusion in the sports world, as everyone believed Al Davis was trying to make JaMarcus the starting QB of the Oakland Raiders. However, it turned out that the whole time Al Davis was just trying to prepare him to be reintroduced to the wild.

“The JaMarcus is an endangered species,” said Davis. “There are only three known breeding pairs left in the wild. We have previously succeeded in returning other members of the JaMarcus species to the wild, including David Klingler, who Cincinnati had previously failed to return to the wild. Sometimes, we returned a JaMarcus to the wild with only partial success, such as in the case of Todd Marinovich. The Oakland Raiders organization remains Committed to Ecological Excellence.”

The JaMarcus in its natural habitat, the lost continent of Lemuria.

The JaMarcus in its natural habitat, the lost continent of Lemuria.

JaMarcus Russell has shown plenty of promise in his time with the Raiders. He can now identify various berries and plants of his native continent, Lemuria, which are safe to eat. In addition, he has shown increasing deftness in evading Al Davis’ pet Velociraptors in the Oakland Raiders’ training facility. Velociraptors are the apex predator in Lemuria, and the only threat to JaMarcuses – usually causes of death for JaMarcuses include extreme laziness, drug addiction, and skateboarding injuries – the last two of which have especially been a problem for famous JaMarcus, Todd Marinovich. Russell will be tagged with an electronic tracking system and genetically engineered to have a lysine deficiency so that he will not be able to survive away from the lysine rich foods of Lemuria. This is to ensure that he does not escape and multiply in our ecosystem, which would systematically destroy it.

Todd Marinovich has periodically escaped from Lemuria on his skateboard to California, where he has destroyed three hundred square miles of ancient redwood forests and consumed eight thousand tons of crystal meth. Oakland Raiders authorities are still unsure of how he survives outside of Lemuria or how he escapes from there. Marinovich has been tranquilized and returned to his home continent on four separate occasions. Oakland officials hope JaMarcus Russell will be a stabilizing influence on Marinovich and are guardedly optimistic that they may form a mating pair and repopulate the species.

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