Here’s a backlog of reader questions. Unfortunately, they were trapped for over a month in a dimension where Art Schlichter is a Super Bowl winning quarterback and Tom Brady is a destitute street urchin with a bad haircut. So, I guess he was a lot like Tom Brady in this dimension but with less money.

For LenDale White, this is Heaven.

For LenDale White, this is Heaven.

Did the injuries in the Denver backfield cause the knee jerk reaction of signing LenDale White to Denver? Or was there a rocky mountain surplus of tequila and tacos?

The LenDale White signing was due to injuries. Unfortunately, LenDale tore his achilles tendon while chasing a truck full of tequila.

“Maybe you’re just sitting around your house with your buddies. Maybe you go bowling and you have a couple of drinks. … I like Patron Platinum. It’s like some people like strawberry soda. It’s good.” -LenDale White

If water covers 2/3’s the earth, is the other 1/3 covered by Revis’s new but deserved ego? I can’t remember someone still in a rookie contract demanding top $ of the position. He deserves it but is he going the wrong way about it? Say have the extension signed and put in or just play out the contract. A distraction to a team with too much pressure on it already I think.

Revis is going the wrong way about it, but he shares the same agent Chris Baker and Pete Kendall, two players “wronged” by the Jets, did. I think they’re settling a score with Tannenbaum. Revis gave up so much guaranteed money I feel that they weren’t even acting in his best interest. It’s a shame this is happening in a Super Bowl run year.

T.O and Ocho. …. yeah, I don’t know about that one. T.O. is the SHAQ of the NFL now in my opinion, a part time option but not a starter who can demand attention but not give you the minutes.

Terrell Owens has been more of a liability than a matchup problem since his final year with the Cowboys. If you watch their offense that year they scheme with their other receivers to try to help Owens get open. T.O. is old and I wonder if Randy Moss is going to finally have age catch up with him too.

Mike Martz Jr. stealthily prepares to install his offense inside an Alpaca.

Mike Martz Jr. stealthily prepares to install his offense inside an Alpaca.

Mike “Mad Man” Martz claims as for as Jay Cutler, “nothing to work on” as far as his QB play of mechanics. …. is this an endorsement of condemnation for the cut-man?

Martz doesn’t demand much from a quarterback besides accuracy, quick decision making and a fast release. Cutler has all of those, so he should be fine. That said, don’t be surprised if he throws 20+ interceptions again behind that offensive line, with those receivers and in that scheme.

Is it wrong to use Albert Haynesworth as bait for next years Shark Week if he can’t pass a conditioning test? Cause if he can’t tread water for a few minutes in shark infested areas I don’t see how he can at least occupy the attention of a center and demand a guard for double teaming.

I hope the sharks like processed meat and sweets.

The Charger fallout of LT leaving and the statements of entitlement. Are some players jealous they were not the face of the franchise like say … I dunno, Manning and Big Ben Rapist?

L.T. is a good guy and still a good player, but he’s no longer a superstar and was upset he wasn’t being treated like one in San Diego anymore. He’ll be great for the Jets playing with that chip on his shoulder.

Like reports of the demise of the fooseball wizard is Jeff Garcia’s retirement by default premature? Some system needs a solid #2 who just thrives or at least is more competent than the incumbent starting QB?

Jeff Garcia can probably still be a backup somewhere but he’s a bit of a prickly character and a lot of teams don’t want to bother dealing with him now that he is older. Even the Oakland Raiders couldn’t handle him refusing to play backup last year. I have to admit, I’d consider suicide if I was regulated to a backup role behind JaMarcus “Purple Drank” Russell.

Giselle Bundchen is also a crack addicted prostitute in this universe.

Giselle Bundchen is also a crack addicted prostitute in this universe.

Andre Johnson, much like Revis does he deserve the #1 salary for his position?

Yes. The best receiver in the NFL. A bit of an injury risk though.

Of all the relocations in the off season between veteran players as well as coaches, general managers, etc. Who has the most to prove
in the new surroundings and why?

If Mike Shanahan really wants to be known as a “genius” he better make something of the Redskins. He rode in to the Super Bowl with a partially inherited team with John Elway at quarterback and a killer running game and he hasn’t really succeeded since. I don’t think there’s anyone out there who has more to prove than Shanahan.


If Ted Ginn Jr. didn’t become a football player he could’ve made a great living doing any job that didn’t require him to hold precious, fragile objects.

In honor of Ted Ginn Jr. keeping up the good fight, the Foosball Wizard is proud to present his top five list of receivers he would not throw babies to. That is, unless, he wanted to create a pile of dead and injured babies. Basically, unless it was Friday, he wouldn’t throw babies at these guys.

Do not leave your baby unattended with these wide receivers.

Do not leave your baby unattended with these wide receivers.

1) Terrell Owens – This guy has been dropping balls at a high rate for years despite being touted as the game’s top receiver (along with Randy Moss). Yes, Terrell Owens was a game breaking athlete, but he’s always had crappy hands.  Get your stale popcorn ready to watch this washed up superstar struggle to compete wherever he lands this season.

2) Ted Ginn Jr. – We’ll give Teddy the #2 slot since he was drafted so high. The subject line isn’t an untruth – The Foosball Wizard literally couldn’t stop laughing when the Dolphins wasted their pick on this loser. In addition to failing to catch the football, he plays so soft that he can be muscled out of plays without having the chance to make a drop or make a play after a miraculous reception.

3) Braylon Edwards – Braylon was elevated from #4 to #3 solely for the ball that hit him in the face that should have been a one gazillion yard touchdown for the Jets in 2009. Oh, and he drops balls all the time. Edwards’ father sums it up for us: “Am I worried about him getting a reputation for dropping the football?” Stan Edwards asked. “No. Because let’s be honest — he’s earned it.”



4) Troy Williamson – Another high draft pick with blazing speed who can’t hold on to the ball. There was talk in Minnesota that he would come around after catching 13,000 practice balls and getting laser correction on a weak eye, but it did nothing to improve his high rate of drops. Perhaps if they installed laser beams and computers on the football they could guide themselves into the wedge between Williamson’s helmet and facemask, making him a viable receiver.

5) Mario Manningham – Sometimes when I was watching a Giants game last season I wasn’t sure if it was football or some sort of slapstick comedy act. Then I noticed that there were no zany sound effects during any of Manningham’s first 3 to 4 game swinging blunders and that he actually intended to entertain me by making great football plays. Unfortunately, there were many more clownish blunders than football excellence. It was reminiscent of Oakland.

Honorable Mentions: Derek Hagan (this guy drops balls like they were flaming suitcases filled with black powder), Darrius Heyward-Bey (Who does a marvelous job dropping a high percentage of the few balls thrown his way), and budding egomaniac Dwayne Bowe.

Google Tracking SECRETS

(cas:72) Google Analyticator was unable to authenticate you with Google using the Auth Token you pasted into the input box on the previous step.

This could mean either you pasted the token wrong, or the time/date on your server is wrong, or an SSL issue preventing Google from Authenticating.

Try Deauthorizing & Resetting Google Analyticator.

Tech Info 400:Error fetching OAuth2 access token, message: 'invalid_grant'
Powered By Google Analytics
© 2010 THE FOOSBALL WIZARD Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha